End of a Year 2014: The Albums

It's that time of year again kids. You're getting fat from eating all that food, drinking on a Tuesday night, and practically ceasing to give a fuck about the outside world entirely. Gather round the computer screen and open your present from good ol' Uncle Vince. Here it is -- the best albums of 2014.

Lil Durk

10. Dej Loaf- Sell Sole (Self Released)

It's funny how girls are actually better at rapping than dudes. Who'da thunk?

Listen to "I Got It"


9. Freddie Gibbs- ESGN (ESGN/Empire Distribution)

Yeah, I know this came out in 2013, but if the Grammys can nominate a year old album, then so can I.

Listen to "Eastside Moonwalker"


8. Lil' Durk- Signed to the Streets II (OTF/Coke Boys)

How come rap releases are always on two labels? And what the fuck happened to Chief Keef? Next year I think I'm gonna do "Top 10 Drinks I Drank that I'm Too Old to be Drinking" for a year end list.

Listen to "Live it Up"


7. Chris Brown- X (RCA)

A couple of these songs were swings and misses, but when it comes to making hits, nobody beats Chris Brown.

Listen to "Add Me In"


6. Xerxes- Collision Blonde (No Sleep)

This album sounds like what hardcore would sound like if all the hardcore kids who wear Joy Division shirts actually listened to Joy Division. Or if all those "wave" bands tried writing a really good hardcore album, instead of trying to sound like The National.

Listen to "Collision Blonde"

Self Defense Family

5. Self Defense Family- Try Me (Deathwish)

"Self Defense Family is the best band in the history of recorded music." - Self Defense Family.

Listen to "Tithe Pig"


4. J. Cole- 2014 Forest Hills Drive (Dreamville/Roc Nation)

I haven't even listened to a third of this album and it's already number four on my list. I dunno what that says about the rest of these albums, but whatever. There are some big tunes on this one.

Listen to "Fire Squad"


3. ScHoolboy Q- Oxymoron (TDE/Interscope)

Everytime I saw this commercial I was instantly reminded of Oxymoron and how much money you can make by selling prescription drugs (apparently). So not only did ScHoolboy Q create arguably the best rap album of 2014, he also unintentionally subverted the Canadian government by doing it. Pretty cool stuff.

Listen to "Los Awesome (feat. Jay Rock)"


2. PartyNextDoor- PARTYNEXTDOOR TWO (OVO Sound/Warner Bros.)

OVOXOYMCMBT.O416IX905CPKREPMYCITYCANTFUCKWITHUS BRAP BRAP BRAP!!!!

Listen to "Recognize (feat. Drake)"

PartyNextDoor

1. Lil Wayne- Tha Carter 10th Anniversary Reissue (Cash Money/Universal)

Wait, you're telling me there wasn't a 10th anniversary reissue for Lil Wayne's classic coming of age record? Damn Birdman, you need to hop on that punk rock greed train and get reissuing your back catalogue. I would've bought that shit on vinyl and I don't even have a record player.

But seriously though, this is basically the only album I listened to for the first half of this year. Fuck with it.

Listen to "Go DJ"

~~~

Honourable Mention: La Dispute- Rooms of the House; Kitty Pryde- Impatiens; Ratking- So it Goes; Riff Raff- Neon Icon; The Hotelier- Home, Like Noplace is There; Angel Du$t- A.D.; Space Pope- Long Live the Pope

5 Dope EPs: 

Self Defense Family- Two Genuine Oddities From Our Past

Self Defense Family- "Indoor Wind Chimes" b/w "Cottaging"

Self Defense Family- Split w. Meredith Hunter

Self Defense Family- I Tried to Make Something You Would Enjoy

Self Defense Family- Duets

Swaggy P Teaches Us How to Mack.

Forever 21 has blessed us with a video of basketball player Nick Young, aka "Swaggy P" or "Iggy Azalea's boyfriend", sharing his tips on chatting up the ladies. The video begins with Young detailing how he courted Iggy by making her his #wcw, which is, oddly enough, how I met my current girlfriend Eugenie Bouchard (not srs). Young then goes on a tangent about vegetables or some shit, before Iggy interrupts him by yelling some indiscernible nonsense from off-camera. The two of them proceed to get in the world's cutest argument, then Young walks off the set while a bunch of people go "awww" and the video ends.

I think that's what happens anyways. TBH I was pretty high when I watched this, and I was more concerned with how a dude named Nick Young got the nickname "Swaggy P" then anything he had to say. Oh well. I'm sure he had some good advice, and I wish these two the best.

Throwback Thursday- Blink 182 edition

I remember being eight years old and *literally* pissing myself because I thought the lyrics to this song were so funny. 15 years later, they hit a little too close to home. 23 is a weird age. Half the time you're frustrated because you're a deadbeat who partied to much in college, and the other half you're frustrated because you wanna party like you're still in college. At least I haven't pissed myself yet this year.

PS what the actual fuck is going on in this music video?

Movie Review: "John Wick"

Everyone knows that Keanu Reeves knows kung-fu, but what else can he do? As the lead role in Chad Stahelski's "John Wick," he does a little bit more than kick ass with his hands. Reeves plays an ex-hitman out for revenge after his dog is killed by Russian mobsters (No, seriously, that's what it's really about). Lots of veteran cast members including John Leguizamo, Willem Dafoe, and the guy who does the Mayhem commercials for Allstate make this movie a step above your average C-list action thriller. Although the beginning is kinda slow, the action picks up relatively quickly and goes strong all the way to the final scene. I wasn't too fond of the development of the characters, as most of the characters remained static throughout the film and there could have been a deeper back story for Keanu's character. Nonetheless, Reeves delivers a dark and ominous performance, which adds a new freshness to what could have easily been a cookie cutter Jason Statham flick. I should note that the soundtrack was excellent, a new Marilyn Manson track never hurts to throw in. Overall, I would have to give this movie the grade of B-. If I learned anything from watching this, it's not to fuck with John Wick.

Movie Review: "Dracula Untold"

Normally, if you tell me there's a movie about Count Dracula coming out, I get pretty excited. But unfortunately, Gary Shores' "Dracula Untold" was just another bunch of shit trying to ride the vampire fad train. The cast wasn't overly recognizable, mostly a bunch of "Oh, that's that dude from that thing that I never saw." The lead actress was kinda hot, so that's a plus, but besides that, this movie had nothing worth watching. The story was supposed to be a rewritten origin story for Vlad the Impaler, but it was just a bunch of cliches thrown together to make something sort of resemble an action flick; old dude who helps grant main character superhuman powers, the bad guy who looks like he just walked out of a greasy New Jersey strip club, and a shitty love story that tried to be relevant to the plot. I was also highly disappointed with the fight scenes. I get the fact that he can regenerate and has crazy strength, but the guy never loses a fucking fight, which really kills it for me. Also, how can you have a film with your lead character named Vlad the IMPALER, but only impales one guy throughout the entire film? Anyways, the movie was a large let down for me, so I have to give it a D grade. If you're into that kind of movie, it might be worth a download, but I assure you, not worth the $10 to see in theaters.

Movie Review: "Fury"

Well, it's 2014 and Brad Pitt is back to his old ways: killin' Nazis and looking good doing it. In his new film "Fury", Pitt is a Sargent of a tank crew rolling through Germany. The cast is alright, nothing too spectacular. You got your Shia LeBouf and Michael Pena doing support, as well as Shane from the Walking Dead. The movie is pretty action packed, got a couple of good tank fights, a few quips of comical relief, and a decent storyline. The only problem I had with the movie is the pacing; at one point it was all action and shit, then they stop in a town and start diddy-daddiling around for about 20 minutes. It kinda got stale and I started losing some interest. Also, Pitt's role in the movie was just a more toned down version of his "Inglorious Bastards" role, more serious and not as funny. I would have at least liked to have seen him do something a little bit more original. Overall though, the movie was pretty solid, I'd give it about a B-. And now, here's a video of Taran Killam doing the weather as Brad Pitt:

Detroit Public Schools fail (again)

Earlier this week, Detroit Pistons center Andre Drummond had a run in with some poorly educated jersey manufacturers. His name on his jersey is misspelled, but then again, nobody really cared because the Pistons suck and god hates Detroit.


http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2263181-pistons-andre-drummond-has-his-last-name-misspelled-on-jersey-vs-chicago?hpt=hp_t2

Southern Hospitality.

Word Bruh.

Goodnight, Ms. America

Isn't it kind of funny how my heart always breaks on balconies?
Isn't it kind of funny how I'm putting this on myself? And we say
Fuck a rhyme scheme bitch, I did it for my own good.
Fuck your shitty attitude, I'm rolling in my own hood.
With my goons and my weed, and my phone, and my keys,
And my wallet's empty. ATM, don't tempt me.
And now we're presenting our thesis on heartbreak,
And I don't understand how much more I can take,
So fuck it. I'm leaving by myself to get high.
I've never been in love but somehow I get by.
Goodnight, Ms. America, I think of you often.
But if I don't leave now, I'll leave in a coffin.
There's nothing that's stopping this march to the grave,
but the women we loved and the music they made.

Isn't it kind of funny, how you're always fucking wrong?

White Rapper Alert: Felly

Check out this album promo from a dude named Felly. It was shot in Montigo Bay, Jamaica.

This is the best promo video I've ever seen a rapper make. I like it because there was only one chick in the whole video, which is pretty much exactly how we do things at the pound. Really relatable material.

The album(???) is called Milk and Sugar, and you can check it out right here.

What's Up, Feminists?

Hey what's up? Can we all just stop throwing terms like "rape apologist" and "misogynist" around so loosely? Those are two really powerful labels, and I believe using them as insults in YouTube arguments not only devalues those words, but trivializes the issues they're attached to. Here's an article that basically sums up my feelings on using words like these in an incorrect or inappropriate context.

http://theenlivenproject.com/5-things-to-consider-before-calling-someone-a-rape-apologist/

Being confused about your body/sexual identity/role in society is nothing to be ashamed of. Obviously, some people have harder circumstances to overcome, but these are the things everybody goes through in their mid/early twenties. You shouldn't feel bad about this stuff. Nor should you attempt to make other people feel bad by accusing them of being horrible people, when really, they're just idiots.

We're all trying to make the world a better place. Don't lose sight of that.

This is a Picture of Tinashe

I'm only putting this here because I don't know how to work my phone properly. It's a long story. Anyways, you're welcome.

In Flight Meals

Man, you ever have one of those moments that really makes you question the fabric of society? A moment where you go "wow, I thought we were past that..." and then disappear to the depths of yr basement to mire in disappointment for the human race? Well I had that experience recently with this whole "sexist WestJet note" thing.

100% Recycled Content.

As a purveyor of internet culture, I've taken great pleasure watching people over-react on everything from actual issues to obvious trolling, but this has gone too far. 

Pro tip, every time you see scripture quoted on a napkin you can pretty much assume whoever wrote the note has a very real mental health issue and needs immediate medical/psychiatric help  wears a tinfoil hat under his trilby and is probably just a massive loser whose opinion has no bearing in reality.

You know that Jay Z lyric: "don't argue with fools/cuz people from a distance can't tell who's who"? Well society, you're arguing with the dude wearing a piss-covered posterboard in the middle of Yonge-Dundas Square. Your parents must be proud.

End of a Year 2013

Yeah, so here's another year end list. Except this one's actually sweet. Blow it out your ass, Stereogum!

Anywho...

Danny Brown

10: Balance and Composure- The Things We Think We're Missing (No Sleep)

Balance and Composure surprises everybody (aka me) by proving they're capable of writing good songs not titled "Quake". Holy shit! Who'da thunk?

Listen to "Tiny Raindrop"

9: Defeater- Letters Home (Bridge 9)

Yeah so Defeater put out a new album this year I guess. The first and last song are wicked bangers and everything else on the album was pretty tight from what I gathered. So yeah, moving along.

Listen to "Bastards"


8: A$AP Rocky- Long.Live.A$AP (ASAP Worldwide)

I thought this was the most ignorant shit I'd ever heard in my life until I heard that A$AP Ferg album. So I guess this is the second most ignorant shit I've ever heard in my life. Cool.

Listen to "Wild for the Night"

7: Nails- Abandon All Life (Southern Lord)

This shit sounds like a heavily intoxicated Lemmy from Motorhead driving a cement truck through a fucking TNT factory. If that isn't a ringing enough endorsement for you, then you're probably soft as shit and you can kiss my ass.

Listen to "God's Cold Hands"

6: Danny Brown- Old (Fool's Gold)

SMOKIN' AND DRINK. DRINKIN' AND SMOKE. SMOKIN' AND DRINK. DRINKIN' AND SMOKE. SMOKIN' AND DRINK. DRINKIN' AND SMOKE. SMOKIN' AND DRINK. DRINKIN' AND SMOKE.

Listen to "Dope Fiend Rental"

Coliseum

5: Kanye West- Yeezus (Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam)

I was gonna be a troll and put this album at number one, but then like six other turdburgling publications beat me to it. I wonder what kind of people thought this shit was "too experimental"? Probably the same people who don't listen to Nails. Fucking posers.

Listen to "I'm In It"

4: Coliseum- Sister Faith (Temporary Residence)

Full disclosure: I don't even like this album half as much as I liked House With a Curse. Yeah, I don't really know what else to put here, other than "this album is still pretty good I guess..." or maybe; "2013 was a mediocre year for music."

Listen to "Doing Time"

3: The Men- New Moon (Sacred Bones)

I don't know why nobody's jocking the shit out of this album, considering how mental people went for Open Your Heart. Oh well. For full enjoyment, I recommend blasting this album while driving 140 km/h through the wasteland between Mississauga and Kitchener in the late winter/early spring.

Listen to "I Saw Her Face"

2: J. Cole- Born Sinner (Dreamville)

Half of this album is kind of dumb, but there are like six songs on it that make me weirdly emotional every time I listen to them. Plus the guy's an insane lyricist, a pretty good producer, and makes hit singles that kick ass. Oh yeah, and if you don't like "Power Trip" you're probably a soul-less reptilian scumbag.

Listen to "Trouble"

Drake

1: Drake- Nothing Was the Same (OVO Sound/Young Money/Cash Money)

What? Wanna fight about it?

Listen to "Wu-Tang Forever"

~ ~ ~

Hon. mention:  A$AP Ferg- Trap Lord, Drug Church- Paul Walker, Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire- Kismet, Rescuer- With Time Comes the Comfort, Daylight- Jar, Mac Miller- Watching Movies With the Sound Off, Deniro Farrar- The Patriarch vol. 1.

Dope EPs:

Touche Amore/Pianos Become the Teeth- Split
Xerxes- Would You Understand?
Safeplace- Little Terror
Tigers Jaw/Code Orange Kids/Self Defense Family/The World is...- 4-Way Split
Self Defense Family- The Corrections Officer in Me

~ ~ ~

"Boner Jamz 2013" the playlist

Songs Grooveshark didn't have:

Defeater- "Bled Out"
Drug Church- "Attending a Cousin's Birthday Party"
NAH- "Slime People"
Rescuer- "Untitled"
Safeplace- "Little Terror"
Self Defense Family- "Pop Song Written on the Automall"
Weekend Nachos- "You're Not Punk"
Xerxes- "Tramadol"